I want my children to be happy!

I hear this phrase all the time. I hear parents praised with these words, "She just wants me to be happy." It is the ultimate in parental desires, it seems. One day, not long ago, I revolted against that statement. Some friends of Steven's asked me, "Don't you want your children to be happy?" "No!", I replied, and shocked them. Steven spoke up for me, saying that I had a whole theory behind that. Recently on the First Things blog I came accross this:

Hans Urs von Balthasar’s theology of the vows states: “Remember that it is nothing to do your duty. That is demanded of you and is no more meritorious than to wash your hands when they are dirty. The only thing that counts is the love of duty; when love and duty are one, then grace is in you and you will enjoy a happiness which passes all understanding.”

Yes, EXACTLY. Now that I am older, and the mother of a large family, I have found out what is the happiness I wish for my children. Not the happiness of the good mood and the lack of strife, of material plenty, and admiration and respect from those around you. I have found myself that when one has duty, and loves that duty, and attempts to fulfill it with love, that is true and lasting happiness. Love alone is not enough for happiness. Do not we all know many people that are deeply loved but not "happy"? Don't we know many people who love deeply, but aren't "happy"? But the person who identifies her duty with wisdom, accepting the onerous duty gracefully, and then performs it with love, that person enjoys "a happiness which passes all understanding".
I think it is only through prayer that one can clearly see one's duty. Prayer is a place of intense honesty. If you pray with faith, then you truly believe that God can see into every corner of your mind. All the trappings of self-delusion and egotism fall away when we pray, and all that is left is the shining question: "What is my duty?", and if we persevere, the answer.
This is the happiness I wish for my children. Not the easy false one, of rapidly fulfilled desires, but the lasting one, of wise discernment and warm compliance.